Every Federer match is a real emotional roller coaster for me. Whether I am alone or with family or friends, at home or at work, I shout, I fist pump, I cry and I laugh without restraint. I am totally and completely into it that when he wins I am euphoric and when he loses… well, I become a real mess…
2013: Wimbledon, Cincinnati.. 2014: Wimbledon, USO, WTF.. 2015: Wimbledon, USO again.. Every time I feel so bad for days and days and I promise that the next time I will not throw all my emotions into it and that be it a win or a loss I will take it in the most casual way… You can guess that it doesn't usually go as planned..
So this time I decided that I will try a new coping mechanism, one I know for sure will help me deal with it better. Words.
Words have that magic effect on me. And as long as I kept writing, I could distance myself from the emotional whirlwind I found myself drowning in a few seconds after this year's Wimbledon SF was over.
Somehow I believe the next lines apply to some of you as well, so I hope some will identify and most importantly that you will all enjoy reading…
Every time I tell myself I won’t do it again
I will no more make the same mistake
I will no more feel the same pain
I just can’t take anymore heartache
Every time I tell my heart not to break
Not to cry, or shout, nor complain
I tell it to stop, for its own sake,
Spending so much energy in vain
Every time, I promise, then take back my word
And despite knowing the risk I just stay
I let the hope back in, I let those absurd
Dreams fill my mind, take me away
And away from reality I find myself every time
I sit and watch, unable to blink my eye
Because every time feels like the last time
And I simply can’t let any second fly by
Anyway, today is just another Friday
We’ve been here ten times before
There is no way this can slip away
He’ll wrap it up in three… At worst in four
Fifteen Love… Thirty Love… Thirty Forty… Double fault!
There goes the game, the set quickly follows
My heart skips a beat after each assault
But my hope isn’t shaken yet, it just grows
In the tiebreak, I sit still, holding my breath
Until he wins it, then wins the next set
It now has become a matter of life and death
But he’s on the right track… Only not there yet
Forty Love… Forty Fifteen… Two double faults in a row!
There goes the set again, we’re in the decider
Tears fill my eyes, my hope takes a big blow
But I still hang on to it even harder
Only three games in and danger is already looming
I start biting my nails, but keep my faith alive
Then the great champion falls, by every meaning
My heart breaks again… But I know we would survive
I feel the pain crushing my chest again
The bitter taste of defeat increasing the ache
One thousand and one thoughts invade my brain
I close my eyes finally to forget those I can’t shake
Yes I am hurting, but I haven’t the slightest regret
Yes I am mad… Yes I am disappointed… Yes I am sad
Yes I wish time turns back so the games could be reset
But looking back at it now, it wasn’t really that bad
Two weeks ago I never thought he would make it this far
But he has this thing about him that makes me quickly forget
And how could I not when he constantly raises the bar
Swinging on the court without so much as a sweat
How can I not believe and dream of more
When I see him defy time and rewrite the game
When he repeatedly makes history and goes for
Records that were thought impossible to claim
How can I not support him with all my being?
How can you blame me to do it in good and bad days?
Aren’t you seeing what I am seeing?
Don’t you see him redefine the rules whenever he plays?
Every time I tell myself this will be my last
I will put my feelings aside and shield my heart
I will be logical, rational, I will stay detached
But then my logic gets beaten by his sublime art
He has lost a match today, and then what?
This is not the end, only a setback
I still believe in him and I know that
He will surprise me again when he comes back
And even if he doesn’t win anything anymore
I will be happy just to see him play… Rise or fall
And I will be cheering for him even more
For the magician of the courts, the greatest of them all